Conan

Man, Savage Sword of Conan had some pretty badass covers. Full SSoC cover gallery here.

Anyway, how are there CrossGen HeroClix but no Conan ‘Clix? The interest may not be there for the full Marvel or DC treatment, but c’mon, there’re enough characters for a boxed set or two. Red Sonja, Wrarrl, Thulsa Doom, Belit, Thoth Amon, Valeria and all sorts of monstrous beasties. And that’s not even counting all the Conans…King Conan, Warpaint Conan, Behold-my-nipples-I’m-only-wearing- a-loincloth-Conan, it’s endless. But nope, no Cimmerians. So I built one…

This was a pretty easy custom figure to put together, I just…

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…okay, I gotta jump back into those Savage Sword covers for a second. I grew up on those things–almost had a full set–and early on I came to the conclusion that out of all the characters in fiction, none are harder to surprise or freak out than Conan. He’s seen more crazy sh*t than the X-Men, Dr. Who and Scully & Mulder combined. What’s fun is to imagine Conan’s inner dialogue when dealing with the crazy:

Here, Conan celebrates Caturday. “Der iz no ‘Z’ in ‘cheezburgah!'” You tell ’em, Conan.

A perfect snapshot of the craziness that is Conan’s life. Here our barbarian pal gets into a shouting match with a pterodactyl (while riding it!) as giant Vince McMahon looks on.

Okay, enough with the silliness, back to the Conan mod already in progress:

The toughest part of customizing this figure was deciding what weapon to give him. I’ve always dug the look of a short handle double-sided war ax, but in the end I went with a broad sword. It’s the weapon he’s most commonly associated with and…

…

…okay, wait, two more Savage Sword covers:

ABOVE: Why Conan is banned from the Monterey Aquarium. “Ha! Gotcher nose!” That is one confused eel.

The above image is–HOLY SH*T, WHO THE F*CK KILLS PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!? Okay, I get the whole “barbarian” thing, but come on, stuffing a flaming hot oil lamp down someone’s throat? “You like apples? HOW YOU LIKE DESE APPLES?!? HAHA!”

The same thing’ll happen to the PETA rep who throws paint on Conan’s animal-hide loin cloth.

Alright, I got the SSoC covers out of my system. Back to the mini plastic Cimmerian…

Ingredients: Base body is a Ka-Zar (Sinister) with…well, not much changed. I swiped the right hand & sword from some random Mage Knight figure (it’s been awhile, I don’t remember which) and the gauntlets are small strips of index card paper shaped with an x-acto, held in place with a pinprick of Elmer’s and then hardened with a drip of Krazy Glue. Acrylic paint, a light coat of matte sealant and Crom was pleased. Custom Conan dial here.

As an aside, if you’ve ever toyed with the idea of trying your hand at miniature customizing, this Ka-Zar-to-Conan mod would make for a good first attempt. You can see in the above pic how close the mod (Conan) is to the untouched base body (Mr. Zar). You’re looking at minor Frankensteining with the hand swap and minimal paint apps. If you wanna get crazy, give ’em a shield in his left hand, one of those smaller round wooden jobs. He’ll need one against this guy…

“Crom! Give me all yer wine and cheeses!” The big Warduke-lookin’ guy is Wraal, by the way. Fun villain, more on him here, more Conan vs. below…

…and thus this charade draws to a close. To distract you from the lack of heavily-modded content this week, here’s a bunch of other Conan stuff from around the web.

First up, a quick vid from the Conan MMO that’s impossible not to laugh at. Seriously, this sums up most of my MMO experiences.

Here’s Arnold providing the best DVD commentary ever.

Arnold again, this time giving the business to a bear in Central Park.

The greatest non-Conan Conan game ever made.